Two years ago today, a girl with bottomless blue eyes and dimples that frame a beautiful smile laid next to me on a tiny bed in her room in Richmond, and giggled when I suggested we change our Facebook relationship status to “in a relationship”. She looked back at me when I said that, those gorgeous eyes sparkling and those dimples becoming more pronounced as her smile widened and threatened to split her face in two. She said “okay!” and jumped up, bounced over to her computer, and made things official. At that moment, the course of my life changed forever.
The last half of 2009 was rough for us. I almost lost her forever, because of my own foolishness and stupidity. I realized how much I needed her, almost too late, and I did something I never thought I’d have the passion or inspiration to do: I fought for something, and I never gave up. I won her back, and I let go of things that have weighed me down for the better part of my life. She saved my life from apathy and mediocrity. She gave me a second chance, and I’ll never be able to do enough to repay her for that.
We spent New Years together, and celebrated our anniversary a bit early, since it was unclear whether I’d be able to see her on the actual day. Her classes started last week, so she’s been busy. While we were together, we reaffirmed our love and the certainty of our future together. We thanked each other for this new beginning. We started 2010 off right, in each other’s arms, and promised that neither would let anything get in the way of our life together again. That was our anniversary gift to each other – a rebirth, another shot at grabbing on to happiness and keeping hold of it as if nothing else in the world matters, because nothing does.
The day after she returned to Annapolis, I made this book for her as a bonus gift. It’s nothing huge or expensive, but I spent two days revising each word, changing photos around. I could have kept going like that forever, obsessing over every page, every letter. It was a labor of love. Its value lies in the sentiment, and when she read it and cried, I wished I could have filled volumes instead of just 20 pages.
To The Love Of My Life - on our two year anniversary.
I love you... and I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you.
Since that first weekend... I knew my life was never going to be the same.
You make me want to live. Your smile makes me believe everything will be ok.
I'd hold you close to me every second of every day if I could. I love us, the two of us, and our life together.
And when you look at me and smile this way, I feel like the most important person in the world. I need to feel your kisses on my cheek when I feel down...
...and I need to be the one who makes you laugh. You're already a part of my family, and they see the effect you have on me.
You fit me. We fit each other. I can't imagine living without you. I can't imagine missing out on these small kisses on your forehead...
...or staring into your amazing, gorgeous eyes. You are my love, my heart, my future. You are my one and only someone, now and forever.
I've never been as happy as I have been with you. You make me feel so special and loved. You saved my life from apathy and fear, and I'll never be able to repay you, but I'll gladly spend the rest of my life trying.
I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. I admire your determination and drive. I love your dreams, and I want to be there to support them. I love you. I always will. You are the love of my life, and you own my heart until the day I die.
Thank you for giving me, and us, a second chance at the life we're destined to have together. I love you. I'm in love with you, and I can't wait to marry you. Happy Anniversary.
Two years ago today, a wonderful person with an almost unfathomable capacity to love, someone who could have anyone she wanted, and deserves so much more than I can ever give her – that person saw something in me that I’m still not sure really exists, and decided on the spot that she wanted to be around it for the rest of her life. I looked back, and wondered whether this could actually be real, if the look in her eyes meant what I thought it did, and if I could ever be enough for her. I saw a love so expansive and true that I could barely believe it was real. That kind of thing only exists in movies, right?
And now, two years hence, I know it is indeed real. It lived on in both of us when the lesser love I’d gotten used to from other girls, and grown to believe was the best I’d ever get, would have shriveled up and died. It shown bright and never flickered at the end of the tunnel in which I’d trapped myself, and even though that light was 1200 miles away, I knew I’d get back to it if I kept trying. For the first time in my life, I had a goal. I knew this was going to happen, and I chased it without fear of being hurt or judged.
It was worth it.
Now, I spend all of my time looking forward. For a person who does nothing but dwell on and analyze what has already happened, this is a dramatic shift in thinking. I’ve never dared to imagine what my own life might be, because I never believed I could have any of the things people typically dream about: a family, a career, kids, a life. Jenn gave that to me, and it’s the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten. In return, I plan to devote every spare brain cell, and quite a few of the ones that are supposed to be dedicated to other things, to coming up with ways to make her happy, and support her, and make her life as amazing and fulfilling as I can. She’s my rock, my foundation, and I can finally allow myself to dream, and to live. She deserves more moments like this:
I love you, Jenn. I can’t say it any better than that. Thank you for being.