Today, I turned 27.
I suppose it’s natural for people to reflect on their lives on birthdays, since it’s a glaring reminder that time is passing whether you notice it or not. It’s a good excuse to compare where you are with where you want to be, and figure out if you’re doing anything to unify those two places.
So, am I where I want to be? No, not really. I don’t really know where I want to be. Certainly there are things that I’d like to change in my life and in myself. I’d like to stop being so irresponsible and ridiculous. I’d like for my career to progress. I’d just like to feel more… grown up, more secure. The apathy of my youth is no longer endearing, entertaining or at all practical. I’ll be 30 in 3 years, but I’m still very much a child. I’ve noticed some subtle shifts in my thinking and my attitudes toward certain things lately, though, so I think all this yearning for change is having an effect, albeit subliminally.
I need to get moving on the various projects and goals I’ve set for myself. There just isn’t enough time in the day. I want to change my diet a bit. I want to get all of my various websites running in some kind of cohesive manner. I want to declutter my house. I have lots of things to do, and I’m not really doing any of it.
Birthdays also serve to highlight the people that give a shit about you. The ones that make the effort, even if it’s just to say “Happy birthday”, are people you should keep around. It shows they at least thought about you. Somehow, I’m always shocked by how few people bother, but those few people are consistent, and I’m thankful for them: my parents and sisters, Jenn, CJ and Joanna, Allison, Sam, Paul Cherry, Meghan, several people at work and a couple of people from my past. That’s all I heard from today. I’m not the type who likes a lot of attention for this type of thing, I just… I don’t know. I guess I imagined that I meant more to some people. But hey, it’s quality, not quantity, right?
I can’t help but think about the other half of my extended family, that used to mean so much to me, but now… I don’t know. I seriously just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I mean, I do, in the sense that there’s kind of a narrator in my head spewing rational thoughts at me when I’m thinking about them, and I know I should be listening, but I can’t bring myself to do it. There’s yet another goal I’ve been procrastinating on…
Regardless, this birthday was pretty good. My weekend with Jenn was wonderful, the dinners yesterday with Joanna and tonight with my mom and buddy and my sisters were great, and I’m sure the other get-togethers I have scheduled for the week will be good.
The past year has been a good one. I met Jenn and I’ve had a wonderful 7 months with her so far. There have been illnesses and familial troubles, but everyone seems to be dealing with them well. Dad went to a hypnotherapist yesterday, for his smoking addiction. I’ve been waiting for a week to pass before I ask how it’s been going. Hopefully well. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel at work. Having Joanna as a roommate is going well. I’m still not eating fast food. I’m (hopefully) getting a new MacBook soon. Gas prices are down, my spirits are up, and I finally got a DVR.
I suppose I’m actually enthusiastic to see what the next year will bring.